It took me about four months after I applied for unemployment benefits to start receiving them, though I'm immeasurably thankful I am receiving them now. The delay was because I was initially denied and had to go through the appeals process. During this frustrating interim, I came to think of the unemployment insurance system as full of more drawbacks than benefits.

5 Reasons I Hate the Unemployment Benefits System

1) Behind the Times

Like the early versions of Netflix streaming, some online games, and the internet in 1998, Internet Explorer is the required browser. Obama wants to use technology to increase government transparency and efficiency. You know what’s transparent? That the unemployment department has no idea what the fuck they’re doing. If I mentioned Firefox to someone at the Unemployment office, they’d probably tell me they wouldn’t be able to discuss it unless it was renamed “LettingYouGoFox”.

2)Wasted Opportunity

Sometimes searching for the right job is tough. For employers, finding the right employee can be a challenge. What if there was a way to connect these two groups? You could put your skills into a database, and you would be matched with appropriate jobs. Though the job market is limited right now, hundreds of positions do open up daily in a large metropolitan area like Chicago. What’s that? That does exist, and it’s even a requirement? But when you go through the whole process, a college-educated worker with extensive office experience doesn’t get ANY results? Well, that seems like a waste.

3) Inefficient

Visiting the unemployment office is always a fun experience, as long as you find cesspools of inefficiency, crushed dreams, and apathy fun. When you arrive you are given a number. Numbers are called based on a vague remembrance of the numbers called before, and not on any actual tracking system. It’s like OCD Sesame Street in there as numbers are repeated multiple times by each representative, all of whom are apparently incapable of hearing each other despite standing directly next to each other. This system officially makes unemployment less efficient than every single deli counter in the United States.

4)It’s a Trial

Speaking of the fine folks at the local office, I can’t tell you how tickled I was to show up six weeks after submitting my appeal but hearing nothing, only to find that the paper hadn’t been sent on to the next step! My amusement considerably increased when I did receive my appeal information, and one of the issues to be discussed was how my appeal was filed outside of the deadline, since it sat at the unemployment office for six weeks. Who wrote the guidebook for this stuff, Kafka?

5) Incompetence at every level

The appeals process is stressful, the code confusing, and the local office consistently unhelpful. I was glad IDES provides free legal consultation, and I looked forward to talking to someone who knew what he was talking about. It’s too bad he turned out to be just as (un)helpful as everyone else I had encountered. Unfortunately, this condescending prick delivered the news that there was no chance I would win my appeal. Fortunately, he was completely wrong. Like, totally, patently, and unabashedly just incorrect. During the phone appointment, I would try to ask about specific pieces of code, and he would audibly sigh and say, “I’m sorry, that’s just not how it is.” No, Asshole, actually that is how it is because I am looking at the code right now. You, I can only assume, are idly browsing the web, comparing Fleshlight prices online while you gleefully disregard the massive levels of stress and anxiety that goes into an unemployment appeal.

5 Reasons I Love the Unemployment Benefits System

1) I am able to pay my rent.
2) I am able to buy food.
3) I am able to pay my bills.
4) Fodder for rambling, barely coherent manifesto when I get sick of it all and go off-grid.
5) I can focus on finding a job I want, and don’t have to turn to prostitution or clerical work.
 


Comments

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Mon, 27 Dec 2010 22:01:05

This is an interesting notion and probably at least partly true.

 



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